You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
