If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found puke in my bra..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
