Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
