Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
