need another drink. this is the easiest way
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
