Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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