I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
