there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
