i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
