I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
