She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
