an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
