Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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