wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
vagina is talking i cant
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
