Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize