So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
