Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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