just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
