When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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