here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize