on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
