My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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