I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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