maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
