How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
