Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
