Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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