had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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