the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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