at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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