I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
