i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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