i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
