I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
