PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
