I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
