What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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