3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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