I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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