If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
