We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
