the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
