Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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