I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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