i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
