The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
