so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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