i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
FUCK WHALES
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