I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
