definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
