I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
