you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
