I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
