My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
