Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
