he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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