I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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