i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
