Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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