How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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