New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
