i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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