That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
