I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
