he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
