Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
