I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im part way to drunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
