His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The power of my boobs compel you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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