I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
