Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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