I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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