$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
