Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
