I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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