my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
