just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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