go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
