There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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