Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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